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Dear Farouk,
How are you? I really hope that all is well with you. I'm sure that all should be well because
in spite of your present predicament you are still entitled to three full meals with
complements of juice and assorted drinks (even those who didn’t attempt to bomb planes
live on less than $1 a day in 9ja). When you are finally convicted, you will still be fed on
government expense. You'll be allowed to play games and participate in sporting activities.
If you so desire, you'll be allowed to pursue the Master's Degree that you abandoned. (By
the way I struggled to pay the fees for my Masters). My father was never a bank chief (not
even a community or micro finance bank).
I am struggling to understand your (in) action. Growing up you must have had all and I
mean ALL of the things that many of your mates only wished and hoped for. A BMX,
Raleigh or Chopper bicycle. Nintendo games and accompanying cartridges, PS2, PS3,
XBox, PSP, most definitely a car or cars (I can bet you never entered molue, danfo, okada,
keke marwa or BRT) with driver and possibly bodyguard or at least police escort. You’ve
had foreign Ivy League education and to top it all up Farouk; you lived in a 4Mpounds
house. Gbogbo bigz boiz. Haba Farouk, minini (hausa), ogini (ibo), kilode (yoruba),???
My guy, upon graduation you would have served only if you wanted to and possibly in your
janded abode. One hungry hustler would just have been collecting your allowee (less than
what you spend on boxer shorts). At the end of the service year, they would just issue a
directive to the deegee of corpers to send (did I say send) bring your discharge certificate
to your house in Lag or Abj. Even if you decided to wear khaki and obey the clarion call,
‘under the sun and in the rain’, you would only have gone for parade when you so desired.
You are not likely to have gone on endurance trek because you've never had to endure.
While in camp many 'ordinary' corpershuns would have tried to attach themselves to you
so that after service they could have used your influence to open doors that will better their
lives.
After service, jobs were waiting for you (that's if you decided to work). If you wanted a bank
job, ba wahala. You wouldn't have started from entry level, you may have settled for GM,
DGM or AGM. If you wanted to go into politics (many of your type are in the hallowed
chambers) they would have asked the chairman of the party in your state to bring the form
to your house only for you to append your signature they’ll be the ones to fill in the other
information. Any other candidate for the post you are interested in would have been
settled. When you are finally sworn in, you wouldn’t have to move or second any motions
just raise your hands in favour or against when Mr. Speaker or Senate president call for a
vote. You would have been chairman of one committee and member of others even though
you won’t be doing anything. Any of the heads of the agencies upon which you ‘perform’
oversight functions would have been summoned by your committee in order to give your
constituents the impression that you are working. You would have initiated a probe, set up
a subcommittee, given them terms of reference, you would have received the report of the
committee and presented it on the floor of the chamber that you belong to. That would
have been the end and megabucks would have been voted for such frivolities.
You would have been a member of many elite clubs, you’ll be playing Tiger Wuuds game,
and you’d have one of the most expensive horses to play polo. 9ja’s version of HELLO
magazine would have done a feature on you and your horse.
OL boy, after much persuasion your popsie would have arranged the daughter of one of
his friends for you as your ameriya (new wife). Your wedding would have drawn the crème
de la crème of society; the weekly soft sells would have carried headlines like WHAT
SOCIETY WOMEN WORE AT FAROUK and FAROUKATT’s wedin fatiha, with the rider,
how they met, and the details of their jewelry. They would have told us about how you
proposed to her when you took her for a weekend trip in that mid east country that our
countrymen now take out time to go to it sounds like doo-bye. We would have read about
how a former president or head of state was the chairman of your wedding, the reception
would have taken place at the international conference centre; it would have been aired on
network TV on Sunday nite. (Even though you don’t watch local TV).
Farouk! Are you still there? Don’t worry I’ll soon finish. Ehen shebi you were in jand before,
then the country of Kofi’s and Kwame’s, you entered eko o’ni baje, then ‘Hamstadam’, then
Yankee. Why did you enter 9ja, you should have avoided here. Suppose your popsie had
been at the airport, he would have finally found you (at least he would have considered
you a prodigal son).
I don’t know the full details of your travel schedule but you had a number of visas on your
paali (passport). You need to know how much dry fasting and prayer some people do to
raise money to get a passport before proceeding to prayer camp or redemption city on
Lagos Ibadan expressway to receive laying on of hands for breakthrough for visas. Some
of these people go along with their passports too and insist that a man of God MUST lay
hands on the passport, anoint it with olive oil and wrap it with white handkerchief so that the
day the oyinbo visa officer receives their application God will touch his heart and he will
issue them a visa.
Farouk let me tell you something some still do not get the visa and for those who do, they
have to reach out to family and friends to raise funds for ticket, some are only able to raise
the money when the visa has almost expired. Even me when I want to travel I’m always
looking for cheap season tickets, I’ll start calling my friends who work in airlines even the
ones I had quarreled with. You come get visa and ticket money yanfu yanfu you come dey
carry banger and knockout enter aeroplane.
Ah okay I remember it was xmas day so you wanted to do fireworks with other people’s life.
Or was it because you boarded a Delta airlines planes that the Niger Delta spirit
descended on you. See Farouk let me tell you something even those guys have embraced
amnesty they are just waiting for HIM (Your kinsman) to come back so they can conclude
the agenda for the region. Ask Ateke, Tompo and Girl-Loaf, they don’t kidnap oyinbo again
neither do they throw banger or bisco on oil installations. They’ve all repented.
Why is it now that you have decided to rebrand Nigeria? Oh so you think you can do a
better job than a whole Prof who rebranded a drug agency and saved millions of lives that
have now being re-christened good people great nation. How can you throw spanner in the
works just like that? You dis boy sef.
Anyway sha as for me, my countrymen and women we wish you whatever you wish
yourself, as you may have realized you are On Your Own - O.Y.O. Even your popsie
cannot come near you so wetin be my own?
But Farouk wait first where you going to forfeit all of the perks as a rich man’s son? You
were a complete aje-butter and you wanted to kaput just like that?? Some have cap but
have no head, some have head but they have no cap. You definitely lost your head.
I have enclosed a self addressed envelope so you don’t have to worry about stamp and
envelope. I await a quick response to my letter.
by jeedaybenson
How are you? I really hope that all is well with you. I'm sure that all should be well because
in spite of your present predicament you are still entitled to three full meals with
complements of juice and assorted drinks (even those who didn’t attempt to bomb planes
live on less than $1 a day in 9ja). When you are finally convicted, you will still be fed on
government expense. You'll be allowed to play games and participate in sporting activities.
If you so desire, you'll be allowed to pursue the Master's Degree that you abandoned. (By
the way I struggled to pay the fees for my Masters). My father was never a bank chief (not
even a community or micro finance bank).
I am struggling to understand your (in) action. Growing up you must have had all and I
mean ALL of the things that many of your mates only wished and hoped for. A BMX,
Raleigh or Chopper bicycle. Nintendo games and accompanying cartridges, PS2, PS3,
XBox, PSP, most definitely a car or cars (I can bet you never entered molue, danfo, okada,
keke marwa or BRT) with driver and possibly bodyguard or at least police escort. You’ve
had foreign Ivy League education and to top it all up Farouk; you lived in a 4Mpounds
house. Gbogbo bigz boiz. Haba Farouk, minini (hausa), ogini (ibo), kilode (yoruba),???
My guy, upon graduation you would have served only if you wanted to and possibly in your
janded abode. One hungry hustler would just have been collecting your allowee (less than
what you spend on boxer shorts). At the end of the service year, they would just issue a
directive to the deegee of corpers to send (did I say send) bring your discharge certificate
to your house in Lag or Abj. Even if you decided to wear khaki and obey the clarion call,
‘under the sun and in the rain’, you would only have gone for parade when you so desired.
You are not likely to have gone on endurance trek because you've never had to endure.
While in camp many 'ordinary' corpershuns would have tried to attach themselves to you
so that after service they could have used your influence to open doors that will better their
lives.
After service, jobs were waiting for you (that's if you decided to work). If you wanted a bank
job, ba wahala. You wouldn't have started from entry level, you may have settled for GM,
DGM or AGM. If you wanted to go into politics (many of your type are in the hallowed
chambers) they would have asked the chairman of the party in your state to bring the form
to your house only for you to append your signature they’ll be the ones to fill in the other
information. Any other candidate for the post you are interested in would have been
settled. When you are finally sworn in, you wouldn’t have to move or second any motions
just raise your hands in favour or against when Mr. Speaker or Senate president call for a
vote. You would have been chairman of one committee and member of others even though
you won’t be doing anything. Any of the heads of the agencies upon which you ‘perform’
oversight functions would have been summoned by your committee in order to give your
constituents the impression that you are working. You would have initiated a probe, set up
a subcommittee, given them terms of reference, you would have received the report of the
committee and presented it on the floor of the chamber that you belong to. That would
have been the end and megabucks would have been voted for such frivolities.
You would have been a member of many elite clubs, you’ll be playing Tiger Wuuds game,
and you’d have one of the most expensive horses to play polo. 9ja’s version of HELLO
magazine would have done a feature on you and your horse.
OL boy, after much persuasion your popsie would have arranged the daughter of one of
his friends for you as your ameriya (new wife). Your wedding would have drawn the crème
de la crème of society; the weekly soft sells would have carried headlines like WHAT
SOCIETY WOMEN WORE AT FAROUK and FAROUKATT’s wedin fatiha, with the rider,
how they met, and the details of their jewelry. They would have told us about how you
proposed to her when you took her for a weekend trip in that mid east country that our
countrymen now take out time to go to it sounds like doo-bye. We would have read about
how a former president or head of state was the chairman of your wedding, the reception
would have taken place at the international conference centre; it would have been aired on
network TV on Sunday nite. (Even though you don’t watch local TV).
Farouk! Are you still there? Don’t worry I’ll soon finish. Ehen shebi you were in jand before,
then the country of Kofi’s and Kwame’s, you entered eko o’ni baje, then ‘Hamstadam’, then
Yankee. Why did you enter 9ja, you should have avoided here. Suppose your popsie had
been at the airport, he would have finally found you (at least he would have considered
you a prodigal son).
I don’t know the full details of your travel schedule but you had a number of visas on your
paali (passport). You need to know how much dry fasting and prayer some people do to
raise money to get a passport before proceeding to prayer camp or redemption city on
Lagos Ibadan expressway to receive laying on of hands for breakthrough for visas. Some
of these people go along with their passports too and insist that a man of God MUST lay
hands on the passport, anoint it with olive oil and wrap it with white handkerchief so that the
day the oyinbo visa officer receives their application God will touch his heart and he will
issue them a visa.
Farouk let me tell you something some still do not get the visa and for those who do, they
have to reach out to family and friends to raise funds for ticket, some are only able to raise
the money when the visa has almost expired. Even me when I want to travel I’m always
looking for cheap season tickets, I’ll start calling my friends who work in airlines even the
ones I had quarreled with. You come get visa and ticket money yanfu yanfu you come dey
carry banger and knockout enter aeroplane.
Ah okay I remember it was xmas day so you wanted to do fireworks with other people’s life.
Or was it because you boarded a Delta airlines planes that the Niger Delta spirit
descended on you. See Farouk let me tell you something even those guys have embraced
amnesty they are just waiting for HIM (Your kinsman) to come back so they can conclude
the agenda for the region. Ask Ateke, Tompo and Girl-Loaf, they don’t kidnap oyinbo again
neither do they throw banger or bisco on oil installations. They’ve all repented.
Why is it now that you have decided to rebrand Nigeria? Oh so you think you can do a
better job than a whole Prof who rebranded a drug agency and saved millions of lives that
have now being re-christened good people great nation. How can you throw spanner in the
works just like that? You dis boy sef.
Anyway sha as for me, my countrymen and women we wish you whatever you wish
yourself, as you may have realized you are On Your Own - O.Y.O. Even your popsie
cannot come near you so wetin be my own?
But Farouk wait first where you going to forfeit all of the perks as a rich man’s son? You
were a complete aje-butter and you wanted to kaput just like that?? Some have cap but
have no head, some have head but they have no cap. You definitely lost your head.
I have enclosed a self addressed envelope so you don’t have to worry about stamp and
envelope. I await a quick response to my letter.
by jeedaybenson
A remarkable open letter to the 'underwear' bomber UMAR FAROUK
by a concerned Nigerian
by a concerned Nigerian